All The Candle News That's Unfit To Print

Dateline 12/25/9735 k Santa file please be patient

Disaster was narrowly averted last night when an alien candle disguised as a toy SCUD Missile launcher started shooting Hot Melt Glue all over Santa. A quick thinking Rudolph save the day by kicking the alien into the fireplace before Santa became a permanent fixture in the Waxman residence. This exclusive photo was taken by young Tommy Waxman, who was determined that not another Christmas would go by without getting the drop on Santa.

A press release from the North Pole stated: "Santa is doing fine after his ordeal, and is thankful that he was able to keep his appointed rounds although it put him slightly behind schedule. A crack elf detective team is now looking into the matter, and will publish their findings as soon as possible. Santa has also said that Tommy should have been asleep, and had better be really good this year if he doesn't want to get a lump of coal next Christmas."

An interview with Tommy Waxman produced this statement: "I was hiding on the stairs watching Santa place all the presents when all of a sudden the toy started shooting gooky stuff at him. Flames were coming out of the top. I was quite shocked, but managed to snap this picture. Rudolph must have come down to investigate the commotion and kicked it into the fireplace. The wood in the fireplace instantly burst into flames. After helping unstick Santa from the floor, Santa and Rudolph left by the front door shouting Merry Christmas To All, And To All A Good Night."

This is your raving reporter saying Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas.

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