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Alien CandleDateline 9/25/97

Here we have a first hand account of a close encounter.

After the Pathfinder alien candle discovery I began to pay more attention to the strange noises coming from my garage. Armed with a Louisville Slugger, a Beretta 9mm, a BernzOmatic torch roaring at full blast, and a can of HotShot I cautiously opened the garage door to witness a scene of absolute heck!

The critter shown at left had my cat, Hercules, cornered over by the table-saw and was
attempting to bite him on the tail. (!!) Amid screeches and howls, hissing, and spitting I charged in spraying HotShot in their general direction, which caused the alien and Hercules to begin screeching, hissing, howling and spitting also! When the struggles were over, I sloshed the HotShot off the little (defunct) critter with a good slug of Jim Beam, and tasting a residue of angst in my own self, sloshed that away too with a good slug. Through the haze of HotShot and bourbon I discover that the alien was made of wax, complete with vybar and vanilla scent and had a nice wick extending from his "head". I found that he burned well, without excess soot or undue noxious vapors, and lasted 15 hours, terminating when he had self-consumed down to 3 toes and his wick tab.

Not knowing whether I am further infested with animated alien candles, I have covered the garage floor with mousetraps, baited with hot-melt-glue and Colgate toothpaste (spearmint flavor). If I catch any more, I'll report back...


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